LEVELS PART II (Levels of Love)

I want to talk to you about LEVELS OF LOVE. In the previous lesson, we talked about levels and used the analogy of a swimming pool and how there are different levels of maturity. Now when I say levels, I am not speaking from the understanding as most people use the word. I hear people all the time say things like, “I’m going to another level,” or, “I’m on another level,” or, “You are not on my level.” That is not what I am talking about in this lesson. Last lesson I shared with you about how I was attempting to teach my son how to swim and introducing my daughter to a deeper side of the pool. As I was at the pool, I noticed something. When you look at a swimming pool from the outside you will notice that it is all the same level on the surface. You look at one side and you see water and the frame of the swimming pool. You look on the other side you will notice there is water and the other part of the frame of the pool. Even in the middle, it just looks like one balanced level of water. As I continued to look at the pool I noticed on the outside of the frame there were numbers. One side was labeled three feet, another was four feet and the other was five feet. However, from the surface it all looks the same. This can be the case when we are looking at love. From the surface it looks very similar. But there are definitely different levels of love.

When I was a little kid, I used to think that love was just love. I mean I knew that there were different types of relationships but I just thought love was love and it was just different based on if it was my relative or a friend. My love for family ran deep. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for family. I would go hard for my family. And the closer my family is, the deeper the love ran. Then I thought that it also was different based on if it was my friend that was a girl or a boy. If the boy was nice to me, he was my best friend. If he was kind of mean, I was not going to be his friend. If she was a pretty girl, I might like her. If she wasn’t so pretty, I most likely didn’t and she was just my friend. Oh, but don’t let me find out she liked me back and she was pretty? TEAM NO FOCUS in full effect! I would think about her all the time. I would lose my mind and I felt like I was falling in love because my entire being was consumed with thoughts of her. What I didn’t know as a kid, I now understand that I placed people in different groups of love based on my relationship with them.

There are actually four types of love that are described in the bible but the actual Greek terms are not mentioned. Let’s step into three feet. The first love level Greek word, PHILEO or PHILIA (FILL-ee-O or FILL-ee-uh) means brotherly love or close friendship. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (Romans 12:10). This is the kind of love you have for someone with common interests, common goals, or personalities that are very similar. When you discover things about someone you know that are common with you, it makes you feel closer. I like the color blue, you like the color blue? My birthday is in August and so is yours? We both like the same kind of music? Oh, it’s on now! My brother or my sister! We need to hang out or something. When I lived in Lakeview with my grandmother, I met one of my closest friends at church and his name was Antoine. He was a drummer and I was an organ player. So we had music on the brain and that was enough to establish some common ground.

Okay, so now let’s step into four feet. The second love level Greek word, STORGE (STOR-jay), is the kind of love between family members. An example is the natural love or affection of a parent for their child like the love of Jacob for his sons or the strong love Mary and Martha had for their brother Lazarus. And this can even be really close friends like Jonathan and David. This is where the water is a little deeper. Most family members love run deep like this. We know secrets about each other. We cover each other and there is nothing we would not do to make sure each other is happy. This is where we could call each other and just be on the phone asking stupid things like, “What-chu doin’?” or “Turn to TV to FOX so we can watch Scandal at the same time.” And then we sit on the phone like we in the same room. This is plutonic love that is shared that is not necessarily gender specific. I just love my friend. We could have just got into an argument and will still want to hang out together. As I began to spend more time with my friend Antoine, we became closer just like that. I started spending the night at his house. Sometimes I would eat dinner with him and his family. His sisters and brothers treated me just like their real brother. You could not tell them to this day that I am not their brother. What made it really real? His mother, Deborah kind of adopted me as her own son. That was deep. At the time, my mother was not in the picture but I knew she loved me to pieces. She always had. I believe this was God’s way of giving me my mom in another form. And even while my mom wasn’t there, I could feel her love through this woman, Deborah Nicholson Jones. She is still my other mother to this day. I also met two people at church who were my Youth Pastor Carl Alexander and my Youth Church Mother Tania Alexander at the time. The more we got to spend time with them I was drawn in because I had never got to go and see two African American married people who loved God in their own household just hanging out. They also loved me like I was their own. I could not believe this. I just wanted to go home and let this all be reality for me as well. This is what a family should look like.

We move on to five feet of water. The third love level Greek word is EROS (AIR-ose). This is a sensual or sexual type of love. This love has its place and is important in a healthy marriage. When I was coming up, sex was talked about as if it was nasty. All I knew was that God’s word was clear that sex outside of the context of marriage was forbidden. I remember meeting this one young lady that I started talking to over the phone and when we met, it was instant sensuality. What completely messed me up was that I didn’t take the time to get to know her ahead of time. If I would have, I would have discovered some things about her that would have made me not get involved with her. But I was too involved now. We already did it now and it feels right but I knew in my mind that it wasn’t. I was so torn between my flesh and my spirit. How in the world am I going to be the church organist, youth choir director and young minister and having sex outside of marriage? My flesh didn’t care. It wanted more and I gave it all it could take. The problem was now I swam from five feet of water to now a deep ocean that seemed like an abyss. I just knew that if I stopped swimming the water would rise so far above my head and I could possibly drown.

But something amazing happened….I discovered another level of love that I had never experienced before. He showed me AGAPE (uh-GAH-pay) love.  Even after I had spent a year being with this girl and was going back to God crying and repenting and asking for his grace, He dove into that ocean, took me by the hand and pulled me right back up so that I would not drown. I felt his Spirit overshadow me like He did when I was a brand new baby Christian. This happened over and over and over again. Why? Because God knew my heart was in the right place. Now, let me make this abundantly clear. I am not suggesting to anyone that you should just go on and keep sinning and doing wrong because God will forgive you anyway. It’s not wise to do that. “Therefore, leaving behind the elementary teachings about the Messiah, let us continue to be carried along to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead actions, faith toward God.”

Remember earlier when I said, “When you look at a swimming pool from the outside you will notice that it is all the same level on the surface.” When you look at a swimming pool you will notice that from the outside you can never tell how deep it goes. Same is the situation with different people. From just looking at people on the outside, you will never know how deep they run. Let me encourage you all like me who have not done such a good job at putting the people in our lives in their proper places of love. You will find it harder to stay upset with people you expected to be your brother and they really only thought of you as a friend. Or that person you expected to be your soul mate that is now your ex and you are so mad at them because of what they did to hurt you. Needless to say, you should be glad they are an ex. In fact, God is releasing you to call them your “Y.” Why did I ever get involved with you in the first place? I should have known better because God didn’t give you to me, I did.

I declare today, that it’s time to put people in your life in their appropriate places or levels of love. Those that belong in three feet, let them stay there. Stop trying to drag them into five feet. No wonder they drowned. They weren’t able to swim in any deeper water than what you expected them to. It’s time to put people in their respective places. Pull those folks out of those deep waters that are drowning in your life or the water is too deep.

I have realized that recently my wife was in the big ocean with weights on drowning. I had no idea. She was ready to let my hand go and I was ready to release as well. God reminded me, “Marcus, if I pulled you out, you are OBLIGATED to pull her out. This is the meaning of AGAPE. Selfless, sacrificial and unconditional love.  ^“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.”

Who is it in your life right now that is unable to go any further than three feet that you are mad at for not coming with you? Who is it in your life that is drowning in the ocean that you need to pull out and rescue just as God rescued you? God says, “I know it’s not easy. And I am not expecting you to do it perfectly. I just want you to do it.” When you think about how much he loves you and sacrificed for you, it makes it easier to love someone else beyond their faults and see their needs.