"DEAR PERFECT PERSON..."

Dear Perfect Person;

I am writing you because I know that you wanted me to share with you my problems and some of the things I have been through. You have been telling me to share and don’t worry about it. You tell me to trust you and that I can talk to you. Well, it has been kind of difficult because it’s hard to share my personal failures, dysfunctions and challenges. I am sick and tired of holding things back and I am quite upset that you don’t understand what I have been through with the inability to share those things about myself. So allow me to explain some things right here and now.

One of the reasons I didn’t want to share them was because I didn’t know who you would share my stuff with. It’s not that I was afraid for people to know, but some people can be quite evil when it comes to your messed up life. They will exploit you and your personal business. They use it as a way to elevate themselves and make them look better than others. You see all the social media posts. There are all these people who talk about how other people are so horrible. They take pictures of people in bad outfits, bad hair, doing crazy things and then everyone from the US to Chile weigh in with all these comments that are super awful. Without them even understanding the situation and why things are the way they are, they go all the way in like a panel at a witch hunt. I am not sure I am ready to be a celebrity because of some juicy gossip. People tend to be VERY unforgiving. Have you ever had anyone share something you didn’t want them to share about you? Oh yeah, I forgot. You are perfect. You have never done anything wrong before. My bad.

Another reason why I was unwilling to share my failures, dysfunctions and challenges, is because people tend to assume they know who you are based on those things. I am not my failures. I didn’t sleep around because I was loose or easy or because I was a sex addict. I used to be that way because I wanted someone to love me. It felt good to be in the arms of someone even if it was for a brief moment of what I thought was love. I was starving to be accepted by someone because I could not accept myself. I didn’t like many things about me but when other people would compliment me and want me to do things, it made me feel desired and wanted by someone. You know what that’s like right? Oh yeah. I forgot. You are perfect. What is there to dislike?

It didn’t matter what people wanted. I just wanted love, so I would do anything to keep their love even if that meant letting them have their way with me. I knew I should not have done those things, but my flesh was crying out loud because it wanted to be attended to. How am I supposed to ignore that? It’s like being hungry and your stomach is growling and you still eat nothing. After a while, you start getting pains in your stomach. Have you ever had pains in your stomach because you were hungry? Oh yeah. That’s right. You would never let yourself starve. I forgot that you are perfect.

So remember when you heard I used to talk back to teachers? I wasn’t talking back to the teacher because I just wanted to be rude and ugly. I didn’t want to get a referral. I wasn’t excited about going to sit in the principal’s office to talk to him about my behavior. What you don’t realize is that I lived in a war zone. I was tired of hearing my Mom and Dad argue and fight almost every single day. They would fight about everything and nothing all at the same time. And there I was right in the midst of it all. Then I had to leave home and walk through a drug infested, prostitute and pimp affiliated, gang violence filled neighborhood just to get to the 29 bus line every morning. While waiting for the bus, I had to deal with being asked for my number by people who knew I was a child. Come on! Couldn’t they see I was a minor? Or maybe they didn’t care. When we moved from that neighborhood to a well managed neighborhood, I still had to deal with being bullied at school. I had to deal with being picked on and talked about viciously by mean kids. Then I have to get to class and hear some teacher yell at me about how I was not listening. Really? I’m sure you remember what that was like right? Oh yeah. That’s right. You have always been liked and knew how to get along with people. I forgot you have always been perfect.

One more reason why I can’t share my personal stuff with you is because you criticize those who don’t do everything right. You know, while you’re reading this, you probably are criticizing me for not being more careful with my actions. You are probably saying that I need to think before I talk back. You might even be criticizing my grammar and where the commas are really supposed to go. You are probably even criticizing how I need to trust people more.

Well, I have a hard time trusting perfect people. Perfect people never see their own faults and what they have done wrong. Perfect people are so busy celebrating their victories that they forget, if it wasn’t for their failures, they wouldn’t have any victories.

Say what you want, but I am a victor. I may have failed, but the power is in the fact that I didn’t let the failure stop me from moving forward. I may have fallen, but I got up, dusted myself off and tried again. Nothing beats a failure but a try. I am sure I am going to have some more failures and you know what, I’m okay with that. Jesus was whipped, tortured, beaten like a piñata and then hung on a cross to bleed to death, placed in a tomb and still rose up from the dead to live again. He did all that to show me that there is nothing he can’t bring me out of. I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to trust the perfect one. You can continue being perfect because you will never be able to call yourself by the name God has given me and many others like me. Because I have had failures, dysfunctions and challenges, I know who I am. I know my identity.

Signed, Victory

II Corinthians 12:9-10, ^“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."