FRIENDS PART II: "What Kind of Friend Are You?"

Many of us talk about what others do and don’t do. Often we are so busy thinking about what we need and what we want in a friendship/relationship that we seldom take the time to consider what others may need. It’s time to turn the spotlight on ourselves for a moment. What kind of friend are you? Are you caring, considerate and encouraging? Do you support others with what they really need? Are you partially kind to only people who are nice and kind to you? If you look carefully, you may find the deficiency may just be you. What if someone needs to laugh and instead you are preaching at them telling them something? You may be giving them a chance to vent when they really need to get challenged to do something about their situation. We should most certainly start with the man in the mirror. But, isn’t it amazing how even after a glance in the mirror that there are things we don’t see that others can? If other people were to tell us what type of person we are, what would they say? Would they say we talk about ourselves all the time? Would they say we find the joy in things or are always complaining? Would they say that we can be judgmental at times? Even more importantly, how friendly would they say we are to them?

 One of the things you can do is look at who you are and what you are good at. In terms of personality traits, what things do you possess that come natural to you that could really bless others?
There was a study done by five experts on friendships. They concluded that there are five types of qualities of friends everyone needs in their life to help them keep a healthy balance. No one person can satisfy all five qualities, however one person can possess more than one quality. So as I go through these, examine who you are and how you relate to each one.

There is “The Comic Relief.” The first expert shared how they each were dealing with sick parents. They relied on each other to find the humor in their situation. They found a way to laugh and avoid depression by talking about whose situation was worse. The situation was not a laughing matter, but they helped each other to get through a tough time in their lives. Even in the Bible, Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Everyone needs someone to make them laugh. Laughter just may be that one thing to nurse them back to a healthy lifestyle. There is healing in it.

Then there is “The Life Coach.” This person gives a pep talk and is full of inspiration. This person tells the friend the truth without being too bossy. In most cases the life coaching is accepted and expected by the person who needs it. This is the person who can help pull others out of the ditch and help them get back on their feet. They give a dose of positivity and motivate the other person with encouragement and support. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” 

“The Risk Taker” is the one who pushes their friend to try more. They are an “out-the-box” and “beyond the status quo” type of person. This person helps to push past fear and take a chance on something risky. Sometimes they challenge their friend and it can be scary. They are not trying to hurt their friend, just challenge them to step out and do something. They are not rude and demeaning in any way. It’s all done in a loving friendly kind of way. In Matthew 14:26-31, “When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.  But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid. “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 

 In reading this story, I was challenged with this part. Was Jesus rebuking or chastising Peter? Was he getting on Peter’s line about him getting distracted? I would say no. Here is what you should consider. Peter was in the midst of doing what Jesus told him to do. In fact, Peter asked Jesus to call for him to prove it was Jesus. So the fact that Peter started doubting doesn’t mean he was doubting Jesus. It actually was a doubting of himself. The Risk Taker in Jesus was encouraging him. Jesus, with his hand stretched out to him said, “Peter if you’ve come this far, you can come the rest of the way.”

“The Challenger” is the one that can just be brutally honest. This is a person you can have a debate with and when that is over they can still go out and have a good time with you. They challenge you to think about things from a different perspective.

Finally, “The Loyalist” is a person who is friendly when you have money or when you don’t. They can come to your house unannounced and you could look like a hot mess, and they will not judge you. You could be in the middle of some problems and they will not just assume things about you. They are simply there because a friendly person should be. They are also the type of person that when they ask how are you? They will not allow you to lie and say, “I’m fine.” They will just listen when you need to vent your frustration. They are with us even when we are at our worst.

The thing is though; it’s really hard to be there for someone else when you are just a third of a person. We cannot become whole by joining with someone else. In fact, even when Jesus was answering a question about which commandment was the greatest in Mark 12:30-31 he said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” 

There are three parts to this. First you must love God. Fall in love with God. Develop your relationship with Him. Devote yourself to Him. Go to church and by all means be faithful. Your first loyalty should be to God though. In fact, He will guide you to the church that you should be in. But look closely at the second part. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. I think it would even be more revealing if we turned it around. “When you love yourself, it’s easier to love your neighbor.” I want you to understand that how you treat others is reflective of how you think of yourself. Think about the issues you take up with other people. If you often judge others and talk about how wrong they are, it’s very possible that you actually are very hard on yourself and have some things you need to deal with inside. If you find it hard to forgive others, it is most likely something you need to look inside and deal with in you. 

(Part of this lesson is taken from the following article: http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/inspiration-motivation/types-friends-00100000101648/page2.html)