FRIENDS PART IV: "That's What Friends Are For"

We have covered how to identify a friend in part one. I challenged you to think about what kind of friend you are in part two. In part three, we took a look at our own hearts in comparison to the heart of a child. In this final part, I want to talk about what the purpose of a friend and why they are important in our lives. Friends serve very important purposes.  

GODLY ADVICE: Proverbs 12:26 says “The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.” Anyone who tickles the ears of the one they say they love is obviously not a good friend. We have enough people agreeing with us. It’s good to have someone who is not afraid to tell us what we need to hear and not just what we want to hear. We should want someone in our lives that can help us stay on the right track.

MAKES YOU BETTER: Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” That relationship with another person should make you better. They should have something to contribute to your life and you should have something to offer as well. A friendship is never one-sided.

STRENGTH & PROTECTION: Ecclesiastes 4:9–12”Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” As I stated in part three, everybody needs somebody. No one who is successful made it on their own. Two friends are there to help each other out of a rut. It may even be more than a friendship between two. Maybe it’s a friendship of three, four or even seven. The greater the number, the greater there is protection and strength. Think about a gang if you will. They stand together strong and protect each other whether right or wrong. True, false or indifferent, we keep each other protected.

PURE LOVE: I Samuel 18:1–3 “After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn't let him return home. And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself.” Whatever the context of the relationship, there is pure love embedded there.

As I was writing this, I began to think about the many different relationships I have and the context of them all. This is what I found.

I have a friendship with a guy I met in church. His name is Paul. When we met, it was at True Hope Church in San Francisco. We clicked and bonded like David and Jonathan. Our purposes were aligned for the building of the youth choir at the church. But something else was brewing here. What I didn’t understand was why this younger cat being so nice to me? I never questioned him out loud, but in my spirit, I had mounds of thoughts. Let me share some of them with you now. First of all, “He must want something.” We sometimes suspect people because of different reasons. Most of the time, our inability to trust is because of our past hurts or even our current struggles with ourselves. Second, “He must be gay.” Now, I am not homophobic. Nor am I gay either. I have the ability to befriend anyone. I have found that being a friend, doesn’t necessarily mean I have to have the same lifestyle. I used to think that being a friend with someone who is not saved is wrong. I had to change that thought as well. One of the most powerful lines in one of my favorite movies, “The Color Purple” is when Shug Avery whispers in her dad’s ear. “Sinners have souls too.” I also have to remember that I am a sinner as well. The only difference is that I am saved by grace. I can become lost in the blink of an eye without repentance and the grace and mercy of God. Not to mention, I cannot win a person if I cannot relate to a person. I later discovered that even if he was gay, that was not his interest in me. Right now today, Paul is one of the best friends I have ever had. I could call him at three o’clock in the morning and he will either get up and talk or cuss me out. Either way, he is still my true friend.

The more I thought about friendships I also thought about something else. I notice that many times people make statements that we truly need to rethink. How about this one, “Stop trying to be your child’s friend. You are their parent and friendship and parenthood don’t mix.” I understand why some people may say that. Yes, there should be boundaries about what children are exposed to in a relationship with a parent. However, I have discovered that children first learn about relationships from us, their parents. They learn what love is, what friendship is and how to navigate through life. My daughters should learn how to love a man without anything sexual. My son learn what it means to trust and depend on a man and how to be a man. I am learning how to be a friend to my children. I need them to know that it is okay to trust me as their friend. They need to know that they can talk to me when they need to. They also need to see me struggle and see how I deal with it. They need to know that I don’t always have it together and that I am not perfect. The more they see how human I am, the more they see themselves. We should sometimes remove our capes, take off the red and blue jumpsuits and just be normal in front of our kids. And for God’s sakes, it is powerful to go back to our children and admit we were wrong. It actually makes them trust you more. 

Lastly, there is the friendship between God and me. More and more God is showing me that He is not what I thought when I was younger. I used to think God was a force sitting in the clouds with a loud voice that will strike you down if you say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. God is not that to me anymore. He calls me friend. He takes care of me and forgives me and loves me. I get to know Him better the more I read his word.

Proverbs 18:24 “There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.”

In the hit song by Dionne Warwick, these lyrics play in my head over and over. “Keep smiling and keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure. That's what friends are for. In good times and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for.”

 

I do realize that some people are not perfect. I know this because I know I’m not perfect either. Because they have issues is not a reason to steer clear of them. Love should cover a multitude of faults and love can change a heart. Take some time and be the change in someone’s life by being friendly to them. You just may find they needed you and you needed them as well.